The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
