i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
