worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will be naked everywhere
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
