Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
