using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
