So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
me + whiskey = a bad person
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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