And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
