Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
