i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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