I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
