a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When are your genitals available?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
