goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
