Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize