the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
