He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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