I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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