You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize