He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
