Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
