Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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