I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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