That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize