Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
