My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
