I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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