Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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