"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
