Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize