We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
