i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
