i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
