Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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