I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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