I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
