Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
