I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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