I wish I only lived at night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
