I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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