Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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