I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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