He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
