Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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