I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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