If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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