I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
