I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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