I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
