i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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