Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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