It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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