Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
