Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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