I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
