i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
