Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
