Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
