I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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