I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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