its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
