ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
