She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
