there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
