She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
