I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
