It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
