please come you make the beer taste better
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize