Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
