Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
