I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
