I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
