If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she told me i tasted like america
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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